Chronicling Seinfeld S:1

Episode 3: The Robbery

Original Air Date: June 7, 1990

Written by: Matt Goldman

Directed by: Tom Cherones

Opening Monologue: Jerry talks about cutting off a woman and her giving him the finger, something I’ve never done. One time when I was driving for Lyft, a guy cut me off and I honked my horn at him in annoyance. He then proceeded to throw a banana peel out his driver’s side window and onto the top of my car. That was a first for me. The rest of the monologue is an amusing anecdote about getting “the toe” instead of the finger.

We then jump to Jerry packing up for a trip, and subsequently calling himself the “Master Packer,” a name that would be loaded with innuendos in any other show, but then would cancel at least two minor celebrities if they tweeted about how “gay” it was. Packing a suitcase has never been a problem for me because I know I will inevitably forget something and will be forced to buy said thing wherever I may be. We then have George come in and we get the deal about Elaine’s roommate, leading to conversation which ends in George telling Jerry an apartment in his price range just became available. He is reluctant and leaves for his gigs in Minnesota. Upon returning he finds that his apartment has been robbed, the cause being Kramer and his numb-skullery. Kramer, taking a spatula from Jerry’s apartment leaves his door open and then gets lost in an episode of “The Bold and the Beautiful.” Elaine, waiting for the shower to heat up, leaves for Bloomingdales and finds the door open and the apartment burglarized. Kramer asks Jerry if he has insurance on the stolen stuff, which leads to an all-time classic Seinfeld freak-out. No one quite has the rhythm of Jerry Seinfeld in these moments.

After a monologue break in which Jerry explains that Police are useless and Batman is only a good detective because the same three villains commit crime (he’s referencing the original Batman series with Adam West), we go to the new apartment. This sets up the rest of the episode rather nicely, and leads to a great moment between Jerry and George. George, after showing the apartment to Jerry, starts to fancy it himself. He brings the lease over, and insinuates he would like the apartment if Jerry doesn’t want it. They start with a coin toss for the apartment, which Jerry wins. George disputes the win, saying the coin hit the table. They then do a game called “Choose” or “Choosing,” a game I am totally unfamiliar with. Jerry takes the first two, with George taking the third but losing in the fourth round. George seems like a good sport until he gets to the bathroom and has a mini freak-out. I am George in these sorts of situations. I hate losing at games that are pure luck.

George and Jerry have lunch, and George goes through all the things he can’t have to eat. He talks about how some of his family are eating brisket sandwiches and he’s eating a carrot. He goes on and talks about how they’re pushing 100 and he’s telling them how to eat. I think this is such an interesting observation. We get so many pieces of information about so many different aspects of our lives. As we evolve, we understand the do’s and don’ts better than the previous generations, but then again, maybe it’s okay to have a piece of cake every now and then. This idea is such a prevalent thing in “Seinfeld” as a show. This disconnect between young and old. It’s really one of my favorite dynamics in the show.

In the end, one of the waitresses at the diner takes the place, and thanks the three for the lead on the apartment. My favorite part is when the waitress introduces the three to her neighbor, who is an attractive female masseuse. She tells the three that she’s felt so much better because of the massages she’s been getting. I love how incredibly sitcomy this is. Like come on! The three overhear two men talking and one lets out he’s looking to get rid of his apartment. The three in unison ask him “How much?”

Next Episode: Male Unbonding

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Anthonioni Scalepini

Anthonioni Scalepini

Aspiring Screenwriter. Writer of all things Cinema. I will write that movie article for you.